ArcaMax

Thank you so much for sitting down with me today, famed French microbiologist Louis Pasteur.

Oui. What is zees about? I am dead.

Yes, I know. I appreciate you making time in your, uh, schedule. The thing is, we are living in strange times here above the ground, and it's important to go straight to the source for ...Read more

This time last year, I struggled with my New Year's resolution to go to the gym.

This year I have made significant progress. I am going to the gym on a semiregular basis. And by "semiregular," I mean that I go often enough that I actually remember where it's located between visits.

The bad news, however, is that my workouts are just -- how ...Read more

It's another bustling week in these United States. I've taken the liberty of rounding up quick, easy recipe ideas to soften the grind of work, kids, bills and the unremitting despair of cognitive dissonance in the face of a 24-hour news cycle. Besides, everyone loves Trader Joe's!

Shaved steak and noodles: Combine thin-sliced beef with Thai ...Read more

I was in mid-eyelash when I heard a knock on the door.

"Can I use the bathroom?" my husband asked through the door.

"No." I replied.

"No?"

"No."

"Why?" he wondered aloud.

"I'm putting on my mascara, and I'm mid-eyelash. You can't interrupt me in the middle of the process."

"Why?"

"It'll mess the whole thing up. The mascara will dry, ...Read more

What do we do with our messy heroes? When they leave this earth, should we muddy the flow of praise by pointing out the asterisks? Must we cement their memory upon their most pernicious moments? Can we allow room for nuance?

The question of Hulk Hogan's legacy finds a fitting home in Florida, full of people reckoning with misdeeds. Here at ...Read more

All I wanted was a bottle of water. But when I went to the cold case at the fancy new coffee bar, there wasn't a plain water bottle in sight. I had a choice of water with infused electrolytes, an antioxidant-rich artichoke water and a water that was filtered through thousands of layers of porous volcanic rock.

I guess I shouldn't have been ...Read more

An old adage in writing says we should show, not tell. Details help reveal the fabric of a person, lending specific flavor to a story. For instance, it's tough to visualize "impulsive." It's easier to conceive of your idiot ex-boyfriend Tom taking a selfie at the narrowest bluff of Angel's Landing in Zion before slipping enough to scare him ...Read more

One of the things I was really excited about when we moved to the suburbs was having a shed. I imagined something pretty with flower-filled window boxes, organized shelves of potting tools, and rakes and brooms hung neatly in size order. However, since I failed to bring Martha Stewart along with us to help create this garden tool utopia, the ...Read more

Discourse suggests that artificial intelligence is stealing both our souls and our writerly tics. Sleuths have begun to posit that the humble em dash -- the elongated hyphens surrounding this clause -- is a tell that a piece of prose has been written by AI.

This likely carries some truth because, well, AI steals from writers in order to write...Read more

As a card-carrying super-cleaning crusader, I have to admit, what really gets my mop in a bunch are dust bunnies. Not only are they hard to catch, but like laundry, dishes and husbands, the minute you get rid of one, another appears. They roll casually along the floor like dirty indoor tumbleweeds until they gather in a fuzzy nest under the ...Read more

One year ago, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis signed into law a path toward restitution for boys who endured unspeakable torture. For decades, these boys were beaten and raped, spirits and bodies broken at the state's notorious reform schools. Others were murdered on taxpayer dimes, their remains buried beneath shrouds of soil and reduced to ghastly...Read more

"What did Joel get you for your anniversary?" asked my mom.

"Nothing yet," I replied. "But it's a big one, so it should be something good."

"Any time a married couple doesn't kill each other for another year, it's a big one," she said.

I laughed. My parents had been married for 60 years, so my mother was practically an expert at avoiding ...Read more

Wow, thanks for ordering me. You're going to love... wait.

No, no, no, hold on, please don't peel me off and throw me in the bottom of the Wendy's sack with the bag fries. I promise, I am delicious. I am juicy and sweet, the perfect acidic complement to cut through your sizzled ground beef and melty American cheese. We'll make a beautiful ...Read more