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Q: Several years ago our daughter-in-law severed all contact with us, and we've had little contact since with our son or her. We've asked them many times to tell us how we've wronged them so we can make amends and maintain relationship, but there has been no response. What can we do?

Jim: My heart goes out to you. It could have been something you said or did -- real or imagined. It might be a problem with your daughter-in-law. It may be nothing more than an unfortunate misunderstanding. The important thing is to keep your hearts open and communicate your love as you're able.

Our counselors suggest four things you can do to preserve peace and sanity on your end and keep your conscience clear:

-- Honor the boundaries your son and his wife have set, no matter how harsh or unreasonable. If they've asked you not to call, don't call. If you cross these boundaries, you'll only reinforce their negative image of you.

-- Guard your own heart. It's easy to fall into anxiety or to beat yourself up and blame yourself for what has happened. Don't fall into that trap. Don't become bitter, and don't believe lies about your own worthiness. Do whatever it takes to stay emotionally healthy and keep yourself psychologically safe in spite of the circumstances.

-- If the situation allows for it -- and you know best if it does -- occasionally send your son and his wife a card with a brief message expressing your love and goodwill. It could be a couple of times a year, perhaps on birthdays and at Christmas. It's a small thing, but it will let them know that your hearts are still open toward them.

-- Keep praying.

Our counseling staff would be happy to provide a one-time free consultation if you'd like; call 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: I want to help my child learn to have a more positive outlook. Do you have any advice?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: The most important factor is to model a positive outlook yourself. We've all seen cartoons where what's going on in a character's mind is portrayed in "thought bubbles." That's a great visual representation of what's actually happening inside each of our brains.

My own thought bubbles can get filled with negative stuff -- especially when I'm worried or anxious. Negative thoughts are common because our brains are poor at making predictions. Instead of making accurate forecasts including good outcomes, we often project our worries onto the future. One of our goals as parents is to manage our own thoughts and thus be effective models for our kids.

Here are three ways our thinking can mislead us, especially in times of stress, insecurity and fear:

1. Catastrophizing. We can easily become convinced that The Worst is going to happen. Seek accurate perspectives and fix your thoughts on the present ... not some vague, fearful future that likely won't happen.

2. Discounting the positive. Sometimes our filters screen out positive input. If someone compliments you on being a great parent, it might be easy to say, "Well, you don't see me every day." Don't deflect affirmation! Accept the positive.

3. Personalizing. You might assume circumstances are personal to you. For instance, when a friend fails to return a text, the immediate assumption might be discouraging. "Did I do something wrong?" We can train our brains to look at other possibilities: "My friends might be busy, or they might be spending time with their family right now." Don't assume everything is about you.

Thoughts are contagious. The better you become at corralling your own, the better you'll be able to model this for your children -- and you'll see the difference in their "thought bubbles."

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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Copyright 2026 Focus On The Family. (This feature may not by reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without written permission of Focus on the Family.)

COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.