Simon Cowell's fiancee Lauren Silverman felt "ashamed and embarrassed" by their affair.

The 48-year-old socialite - who has adopted the music mogul's surname - fell pregnant with the Britain's Got Talent judge's son Eric, now 12, while still married to Andrew Silverman and she admitted she allowed herself to be "defined" by the backlash to their relationship.

Speaking to The Sun's Fabulous magazine, Lauren - who also has 20-year-old Adam with her ex-husband - said: "I felt ashamed and embarrassed, like I had a scarlet letter on my chest.

"For a long time I struggled a lot with it. I get why people had that opinion of me. I would feel exactly the same way if I was looking in as an outsider.

"I'm not trying to evade accountability or say that what I did was correct, but I'm human, and it happened. What am I supposed to do for the rest of my life? F**king beat myself up over it? I don't think that's fair.

"I feel a lot of compassion for that girl.

"It makes me want to hug my former self. I beat myself up so much and allowed what other people were saying about me to define me."

Lauren had been married to Simon's pal, Andrew, for 10 years when they got together, and in July 2013, he filed for divorce, citing adultery.

Simon previously admitted he "let down" his friend Andrew by having an affair with Lauren.

The TV judge told the Daily Mail weekend magazine: "I let down a friend and I feel bad about that, but the good thing it is that I'm having a baby and I never thought I would.

"And it totally changed everything. It was like coming out of a fog; that's the only way I can describe it. I thought, 'Stop feeling sorry for yourself, you've got nothing to feel bad about.'

"It just makes you feel like you've got a responsibility. I definitely feel better. I thought I was going to freak out, but I didn't. It was only the circumstances that were problematic."

Andrew - who, a year after the divorce, described the affair to the New York Observer as "a fascinating experience, unexpected and shocking" - got engaged to Samantha Zimmerman in 2015.

Lauren and Simon, meanwhile, became a couple, and they got engaged in December 2021.